As I work towards my goal of writing 500 words a day, I know that I need to get something down now to stay disciplined. I have been working on a short story based off of a writing prompt that I am quite enjoying. Yet, tonight I do not feel like continuing with it. In fact, I do not feel like writing at all.
This is quite puzzling to me. I was so motivated when I started just a few short days ago. Nothing has changed since then; I still want to write in the grand scheme of things, and I still want to complete my goal for the day. I am even enjoying how my short snippets are turning into a nice little story when I did not plan out a plot or even fully develop the character yet. I am, in a way, surprised by each twist and turn as situations and characters seem to develop spontaneously as I write. So, what on earth could prevent me from wanting to continue?
Simply put, I am tired. It is not just the end of a workday that has me feeling petered out, but it is the writing itself. I did not fully realize this before, but my creative writings are jam packed with emotions. This throws me on an emotional roller coaster. Getting into the head of my character to see how she will respond to each situation, to determine what has happened in her past to make her respond in such a way, has me living out her life with her. I feel all of her emotions as she feels them. Because she is so pained and working towards forgiveness, I feel her pain deep within me.
And, it is not only her. When the supporting characters burst out in fury, I feel their anger from a spot deep within me that I do not often dredge in my own reality. I am a relatively positive person. There is no reason to hold grudges or get angry over the little things because our time here is short. Joy can be found in the tiniest of places, and I believe we as humans should acknowledge and relish in those small pleasures. But, for some reason, my writing takes me to the places I do not visit on a daily basis. My fiction is infused with the pain and suffering of others. It drains me when I am forced to live that out with my characters.
Perhaps that there is the reason my writing always takes a dark turn. That darkness is deep within me, and I do not allow it to overtake my consciousness. Perhaps it is when I open myself up completely that the darkness surfaces and flows into my writing.
That is a scary thought that I am not quite sure I know what to do with yet. I definitely want to continue my current untitled piece because I cannot allow my protagonist to stay as she is without finding the release that will come with forgiving her mother, but I am going to try something different in the near future. If I naturally come up with emotional dramatic tales, it will be a challenge to consciously create a light-hearted and perhaps even comedic piece. I will not leave the other unfinished, but my next tale will be something less dark as both a challenge to my current ability and an experiment to test how emotionally taxing writing is for me.